Aesop's Jacked Fables

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The Life of Aesop

I could write a big academic-sounding paper about the life of Aesop but I don't want to write it, no one would want to read it and it wouldn't be accurate anyway. So here's the brief summary.

He was born a slave about three thousand years ago in a Greek city (no one knows which one). He was so clever his masters freed him so he traveled around pleasing monarchs and became something of a politician.

He was then sent to Delphi to distribute gold to the citizens. They all wanted it so bad that they must have done something to piss him off so he sent it back to his monarch masters. Everyone in Delphi was so outraged they executed him as a criminal.

Delphi soon had a string of bad luck, which they attributed to killing him, so they sacrificed a goat or something. Various statues were then erected in his honor around Greece.

- Based on the history of M. Claude Gaspard Bachet de Mezeriac, which Townsend referenced.
- Not based on the history by Maximus Planudes, who was a filthy, lying son of a bitch.

(original fable)


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