Aesop's Jacked Fables

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The Eagle and the Kite

AN EAGLE, overwhelmed with sorrow, sat upon the branches of a tree in company with a Kite.

"Why," said the Kite, "do I see you with such a rueful look?"

"I seek," she replied, "a mate suitable for me, and am not able to find one."

"Take me," returned the Kite, "I am much stronger than you are."

"Well," said the Eagle, "that settles that. Let us be married at once!"

Shortly after the nuptials, the Eagle said, "Fly off and bring me back an ostrich." The Kite, soaring aloft into the air, brought back the shabbiest possible mouse, stinking from the length of time it had lain about the fields.

"Is this," said the Eagle, "the faithful fulfillment of your promise to me?"

The Kite replied, "I am still stronger than you. So eat the damn mouse or you'll get the back of my wing. Good, good. Don't forget the tail. Eat it all. See? That wasn't so bad. Now let's just calm down and make some eggs. Stop crying god damn it!"

The Eagle and the Kite (original fable)

AN EAGLE, overwhelmed with sorrow, sat upon the branches of a tree in company with a Kite. "Why," said the Kite, "do I see you with such a rueful look?" "I seek," she replied, "a mate suitable for me, and am not able to find one." "Take me," returned the Kite, "I am much stronger than you are." "Why, are you able to secure the means of living by your plunder?" "Well, I have often caught and carried away an ostrich in my talons." The Eagle, persuaded by these words, accepted him as her mate. Shortly after the nuptials, the Eagle said, "Fly off and bring me back the ostrich you promised me." The Kite, soaring aloft into the air, brought back the shabbiest possible mouse, stinking from the length of time it had lain about the fields. "Is this," said the Eagle, "the faithful fulfillment of your promise to me?" The Kite replied, "That I might attain your royal hand, there is nothing that I would not have promised, however much I knew that I must fail in the performance."

View the orginal fable View the jacked fable Perry #574
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