Aesop's Jacked Fables

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Mercury and the Workmen

A WORKMAN, felling wood by the side of a river, accidentally dropped his ax into a deep pool. Being thus deprived of the means of his livelihood, he sat down on the bank and lamented his hard fate. Mercury appeared and demanded the cause of his tears. After he told him his misfortune, Mercury plunged into the stream, and, bringing up an enormous golden dildo, inquired if that were the one he had lost. The Workman insisted that it was not his so Mercury disappeared beneath the water a second time, returning with a hefty silver dildo in his hand, and again asked the Workman if it were his. When the Workman blushed and said it was not, he dove into the pool for the third time and brought up the ax that had been lost. The Workman claimed it and expressed his joy at its recovery. Mercury, pleased with his honesty, gave him the golden and silver dildos in addition to his ax.

The Workman, on his return to his house, related to his companions all that had happened. One of them at once resolved to try and secure the same good fortune for himself. He ran to the river and threw his ax into the pool at the same place, and sat down on the bank to weep. Mercury appeared to him just as he hoped he would; and having learned the cause of his grief, plunged into the stream and brought up a golden dildo, inquiring if he had lost it. The Workman seized it greedily, and declared that truly it was the very dildo he had lost. Mercury, pleased at his knavery, leapt upon him and molested the ever-living shit out of the screaming, helpless man.

Mercury and the Workmen (original fable)

A WORKMAN, felling wood by the side of a river, let his axe drop - by accident into a deep pool. Being thus deprived of the means of his livelihood, he sat down on the bank and lamented his hard fate. Mercury appeared and demanded the cause of his tears. After he told him his misfortune, Mercury plunged into the stream, and, bringing up a golden axe, inquired if that were the one he had lost. On his saying that it was not his, Mercury disappeared beneath the water a second time, returned with a silver axe in his hand, and again asked the Workman if it were his. When the Workman said it was not, he dived into the pool for the third time and brought up the axe that had been lost. The Workman claimed it and expressed his joy at its recovery. Mercury, pleased with his honesty, gave him the golden and silver axes in addition to his own. The Workman, on his return to his house, related to his companions all that had happened. One of them at once resolved to try and secure the same good fortune for himself. He ran to the river and threw his axe on purpose into the pool at the same place, and sat down on the bank to weep. Mercury appeared to him just as he hoped he would; and having learned the cause of his grief, plunged into the stream and brought up a golden axe, inquiring if he had lost it. The Workman seized it greedily, and declared that truly it was the very same axe that he had lost. Mercury, displeased at his knavery, not only took away the golden axe, but refused to recover for him the axe he had thrown into the pool.

View the orginal fable View the jacked fable Perry #173
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