Aesop's Jacked Fables

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The Thief and the Housedog

A THIEF came in the night to break into a house. He brought with him several slices of meat in order to pacify the Housedog, so that he would not alarm his master by barking. As the Thief threw him the pieces of meat, the Dog said, "Get the fuck out of here before I fucking kill you! Fucker!" He then ate the meat.

As he was thus distracted the Thief tackled the Housedog, slapped a muzzle on him and raced off to the circus to make a small fortune.

The Thief and the Housedog (original fable)

A THIEF came in the night to break into a house. He brought with him several slices of meat in order to pacify the Housedog, so that he would not alarm his master by barking. As the Thief threw him the pieces of meat, the Dog said, "If you think to stop my mouth, you will be greatly mistaken. This sudden kindness at your hands will only make me more watchful, lest under these unexpected favors to myself, you have some private ends to accomplish for your own benefit, and for my master's injury."

View the orginal fable View the jacked fable Perry #403
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