Aesop's Jacked Fables

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The Crab and the Fox

A CRAB, forsaking the seashore, chose a neighboring green meadow as its feeding ground. A Fox came across him, and being very hungry ate him up. Just as he was on the point of being eaten, the Crab said, "I well deserve my fate, for what business had I on the land, when by my nature and habits I am only adapted for the sea?"

Just then a furious Octopus seized the fox after having stalked the crab all this way inland. Just as his last breaths were being squeezed from him the Fox lamented, "These are my just deserts, for I should never have tried to eat a crab which I have no business fucking with."

A Martian scout happened to observe all of this while collecting data on the Earth's ecology. Deciding to investigate further it burned the Octopus in half with a laser. One half of the Octopus yelped, "This is all my fault!" And the other half reflexively squirted the Martian with ink.

It just so happened that the ink's chemical composition reacted violently with the polymers of the Martian's environmental shell. As the Martian died of exposure to Earth's hostile atmosphere it cried out, "I, most of all, should never have been here!"

Contentment with our lot is safe but boring.

The Crab and the Fox (original fable)

A CRAB, forsaking the seashore, chose a neighboring green meadow as its feeding ground. A Fox came across him, and being very hungry ate him up. Just as he was on the point of being eaten, the Crab said, "I well deserve my fate, for what business had I on the land, when by my nature and habits I am only adapted for the sea?"

Contentment with our lot is an element of happiness.

View the orginal fable View the jacked fable Perry #116
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