Aesop's Jacked Fables

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The Image of Mercury and the Carpenter

A VERY POOR MAN, a Carpenter by trade, had a wooden image of Mercury, before which he made offerings day by day, and begged the idol to make him rich, but in spite of his entreaties he became poorer and poorer. At last, being very angry, he took his image down from its pedestal and dashed it against the wall. When its head was knocked off, out came a stream of gold, which the Carpenter quickly picked up.

Reflecting on this the Man set about destroying every statue of Mercury he came across and gold spilled from every one of them. Others took note of this and did the same. Many people began making larger and larger statues of Mercury simply to smash them open and thus acquire the gold. Soon gold wasn't even worth much.

Enraged, Mercury came down to rebuke the Carpenter for what he'd started. After climbing a large hill of smashed images of himself he came upon the Carpenter who was busy smashing yet another image of Mercury. "What the hell is wrong with you!" Mercury bellowed.

To this the Carpenter said, "Well, I think thou art altogether contradictory and unreasonable; for when I paid you honor, I reaped no benefits: but now that I maltreat you I am loaded with an abundance of riches."

"Moron!" yelled Mercury over and over. "Moron!" he cried as with sweeping gestures he transformed the Carpenter's dick into a huge carnivorous millipede.

The Image of Mercury and the Carpenter (original fable)

A VERY POOR MAN, a Carpenter by trade, had a wooden image of Mercury, before which he made offerings day by day, and begged the idol to make him rich, but in spite of his entreaties he became poorer and poorer. At last, being very angry, he took his image down from its pedestal and dashed it against the wall. When its head was knocked off, out came a stream of gold, which the Carpenter quickly picked up and said, "Well, I think thou art altogether contradictory and unreasonable; for when I paid you honor, I reaped no benefits: but now that I maltreat you I am loaded with an abundance of riches."

View the orginal fable View the jacked fable Perry #285
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